Parenting advice: Navigating ‘digital masculinity’ content while raising young boys

For generations, boys have counted on their dads and even TV to teach them how to be men.

But now, masculinity is something that is also taught online.

A new study from Common Sense Media found nearly three-quarters of boys, between the ages of 11 and 17, regularly see digital masculinity content. Most often, it’s about making money, building muscle, and content about fighting, weapons, or guns.

Jim Steyer, the CEO and founder of Common Sense Media, told NBC that these sources include social media influencers.

“They are hearing over and over again the same thing: You can’t show weakness,” Steyer said. “You don’t want to be a wimp, and what it does to kids ‘ self-esteem and self-image is really damaging.”

How are young boys finding this content?

“Maybe they’re going on to look at their favorite sports team, but because of the algorithms on the big social media platforms, they then can go quickly down a rabbit hole of masculinity lessons,” Steyer said.

Miles, 16, lives outside New York and recently started his junior year at high school. Like many teens, he says he spends hours a day scrolling. Outside of school, he enjoys working out and boxing.

“When you look at fitness videos, they’re going to try to suggest other types of fitness videos to see what you’re into,” Steyer said. “And you’re probably going to get a video that’s just pushing more toxic fitness behavior like, ‘Whoa, for a big calorie deficit, you should be eating like one meal a day.’ It’s just harmful. It’s flat-out harmful.”

Experts said the algorithms on platforms like TikTok, Instagram, and YouTube often amplify these messages, pushing them into boys’ feeds whether they search for them or not.

Jim Steyer said it’s critical for parents to have an open conversation with their boys.

“You have to hear them out about what they’re being exposed to, but you share your own values with them; that is the most powerful antidote to any of the content they’re going to see online,” Steyer said.

All social media platforms do have parental controls available, but Common Sense said the real solution is having an ongoing conversation with your boys.

One positive note in this study was that almost 80% of kids trust their parents to talk to the most over any other source.